Hunt for the Jade Monkey

What is a jade monkey? Does anybody really know. Is it an item of value or is it as simple as an old man making the monkey figurine out of jade. Mr. Burns has led me to believe that there is more to the jade monkey than meets they eye. Because if Mr. Burns is after a jade monkey then it almost has to possess some sort of harnessable power.

"You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon" - Mr Burns

What is so important about that monkey that it needs to be found in a months time?

What do you think? Does a jade monkey have ways of empowering a person? Or could it simply just be that a jade monkey could make ones collection complete?

I personally would like to get to the bottom of this whole jade monkey business. If the monkey is capable of helping me with school? If so I would like to know. Could he make it so that at work I can do less work and make more money? If so I would like to know. If this jade monkey is all that he could be cracked up to be it just might be worth spending some time and effort at least looking into this whole jade monkey business.

Let me know what you think. Look at this picture, it might help you form your opinions of what a jade monkey might be capable of. Sorry that the picture is so small but it's all I could find in a limited amount of time.

Batman, need I say more?

Batman is a modern icon for us boys that are still young at heart. Think about it, out of all of the superheroes Batman is the only one who is self made. Granted having what seems to be an unlimited cash flow gives him an upper edge on the normal man. Let's look at this a little.

Where does Batman get his supper powers from?

He earns them, studying martial arts, engineering, and critical thinking. It's amazing that he can come up with most of those gadgets on his own. I know he probably steals most of them from the employees of Wayne enterprises, but he probably does have to modify them so that they resemble a bat, and so that the people who work for him don't figure out that he is Batman. What a thinker Bruce Wayne is, he must read all the time he's not running a multibillion dollar company, fighting crime, or sleeping. Which brings me to my next point, has Batman figured out a way to go through life without sleep? Or does he sleep on the job?

I think the reason being Batman is so appealing to so many people is that it almost seems achievable, except for the cash flow deal. With other superheroes they were blessed* with their powers. I personally think that one day if I tried hard enough, I could become the next super hero. I could wear a costume if it ment that no one would ever by able to reveal my identity. Being one of the other super heros might definitely be appealing, just not as realistic as the man with such suppressed rage and aggression as the man who thrust himself among the ranks of those with gifts that we deem on real in an imaginitive world.

I may be way off, but in my opinion it seems most likely that a person who wanted to become a superhero could follow in Batman's footsteps instead of search the galaxy for a way to alter their DNA in such a way that they would obtain super powers.





*The writer fully acknowledges that others may have not been blessed with powers. i.e. the X-Men. Some of their powers are blessings, but others lets be honest.

Hawaii has it all

I recently spent a little time in Hawaii so I thought I might share a few things with you. I have
finally figured out why people like Hawaii so much. If you haven't figured it out by now I'll let you in on a little secret. Hawaiin have mastered the art of cooking pigs.

If Homer Simpson has taught me anything (who hasn't he taught a thing or two?) it is the fact that though shocking it may be, pigs are somewhat of a magical animal from which we get some of the worlds most suculant, mouth watering meals. I'm talking about pork chops, bacon, ham, forms of sausage, and parts of hot dogs. What can't this animal do? Infact there seems to be a rumor that if you see a flying pig your wildest and craziest dreams will come true. I think we may take the pig for granted. At least I know that I do.

Anyway, I was in Hawaii at this crazy party and they anounce that the are going to take a pig out of the ground which has been cooking for about 7 or 8 hours. To my great amazement 2 guys wearing skirts pulled this huge pig out of the ground and announced that in a few moments this pig would be processed and dinner would be served. I got caught up in the moment for a few seconds before I realized that I shed a tear at the sight of such a nobel delicious animal.

I quickly came to my senses when a few Hawaiin girls started dancing for us. On of the girls winked at me and I knew she wanted me to have a picture of her. So I got my camera in the perfect position to take a killer snap shot when from out of nowhere these dancing guys with hardly any clothes jumped out of the bushes. Naturally I became a little startled and my perfect picture was tainted. Or it became a picture that might appeal to the female readers a little more that what I had originally intended.

All in all Hawaii was great and I might share a few more Hawaiin moments later on.

Hmm... Sugar

The other day I had a close call. One of those experiences that makes you so nervous that you can’t breath, your heart stops, and your blood begins to boil. I was at a Laundromat waiting for my clothes to finish drying and I spotted a vending machine. I strolled in the direction of the vending machine, lost in wonder at what delectable treasures it might hold.

As I neared my point of destination my eyes were drawn to a magic land of tantalizing goodies. I was torn with all of the choices which from which I would have to choose only ONE! However it didn’t take long before I saw the ONE. The one that made my knee’s begin to tremble, The Granny B’s Original Pink Sugar Cookie. This treat, as I consulted my appetite was the most sugar packed treasure that almost any machine could possibly hope to offer me.

My cat-like reflexes wasted no time in getting the appropriate amount of change into the coin slot. I ever so excitedly pressed the buttons 4 and 3 to release the power packed goodness contained in the Pink sugar cookie. As the turnstile moved to release the cookie the cookie rbbed up against the side of the machine and stalled… as did my life.

There is no more upsetting moment in a true sugar driven mans existence, short of the death of an immediate family member’s life, than the possibility of have you’re paid for treat stuck in a heartless unforgiving vending machine. A string of cold and cruel vocabulary entered my mind, my leg and fist both began to cock. Right before the pleasant existence of this machine was about to be ended by my fit of sugar driven rage, the machine gave up the treat and a small tear of bliss rolled down my cheek. I gently picked up the cookie and my life was complete again.

It was only a split second that my cookie was stalled and yet the emotions and feeling it stirred with in me seemed to take up eternity.

Hender-sized

Hender-sized = the size just bigger than the biggest size offered.

Q: How do you know if you need a Hendersized portion of something?

A: Have you ever been to a resteraunt and been the only person who didn't need a doggie bag? Well that's no big deal. Now have you ever been to a restaraunt not needed a doggie bag but you also licked your plate clean and started begging others for their left over portions? If you answer yes to the second scenario then you should look for a Hender-sized alternative.

Q: Is Hender-sized for everybody?

A: No, Hender-sized is for those who have no fear and those who openly embrace the feeling of complete satisfaction that only comes from being so full that you belly button pops out.

Q: Are Hender-sized protions dangerous?

A: That's like asking if crayons are dangerous, of course they are if you can't handle the crazy power they poses.

Now the only problem is to get restaraunts to offer a Hender-sized alternatives. For the time being I have only been able to recieve Hender-sized portions when cooking for myself or by ordering the Kong Size Wopper at Burger King. In essence Hender-sized is the human version of Kong size. Hender-sized anything is to be used responsibly. Make sure that you can handle that much of whatever you need more of.