School?

I don't know about the rest of you but I still have a about 1 week of school left and about 4 weeks worth of school work to complete before the end of the week. However, due to a lot of things, some I can control so I can't, I have checked out a long time ago.

I think I checked out a couple of weeks before spring break. My condition has only gotten worse and the pressure to succeed has only increased. The amount and quality of work required of me has increased and only one phrase has been able to help me keep even realatively on track.

"One day it will all be worth it!"

Meaning one day I will get a real job that will require the skills that I obtained in college. It will help me provide for a family that I one day might have or at least help me collect toys that I wish I already had. Either way after school it had better be worth it or else! I didn't really know what I was doing when I delayed the worth it part by enrolling in a masters program, so I still have another year and a half after this current term is over. So the phrase that has helped me through the last five years must remain strong and stay my attention span and study habits through another degree that I have been told will be worth it.

Candy bars

I have often wondered how one chooses a candy bar. I myself have my favorites, however, when purchasing candy I don't always buy my favorites, sometimes I'll buy something else. But really, how do you choose your candy?

Do you base it all on past experience, a dare, by the ingreidients that you think they contain, fat content, carb content, the name, or do you just close your eyes and reach for whatever lucky morses shall grace your taste buds because all you need is sugar? Tell me what motivates your candy purchases.

The only reason I ask is because I'm in a situation without any candy and I'm trying to decide what to consume the instant I can break free from this sugar free environment.

Girls=Chimps??

Many of you may have already read this, however, many of you may not have.

Have you ever had a hard time trying to understand women? I sure know
I have. Then the other day it hit me. The reason that I'm having a
hard time understanding women is that they may not have evolved as
much as men have.

My first inclination that my hypothesis might be true was somewhat
confirmed the other day while I was sitting in a meeting.
Just so we're on the same page as me, when I think of community
grooming, I think of chimpanzees or some sort of primate. If you
disagree, you can stop reading now and save both you and I time about
arguing are differences of what comes to mind when we think about
community grooming. Not that I think about community grooming very
often, but occasionally it gets brought to my attention.
So I was sitting there paying attention as much possible for a
mid-twenties aged male with some degree of ADD. Anyway, I was sitting
there and the girl sitting next to me, yes I was able to sit next to a
girl, starts pulling hair off of the person in front of them. She
pulled four or five strands of hair off the person in front of them
and then she proceeded to move lint off the their shirt. Not to
mention she was trying to do it without letting the "now groomed"
person finding out that she was grooming them. I said to her, why are
you doing that. She said, I don't know, it was bugging me that some
things were out of place. I told her that was stupid and she should
stop. She went to groom another person in front her. I promptly
stopped her and challenged her to let it be and see if she could just
ignore the fact that another girl had shed a piece of hair from her
head and it was sitting on her shoulder. She couldn't it, it drove
her crazy that she was not able to groom another person.
Back to my original train of thought, girls have a tendency to act
like chimps and groom other people.
Another link is you might have also noticed if you have ever been
exposed to chimps at all. To explain this next thought I used to go
to this park that had some chimps in a good sized animal friendly
environment. Anyway, the chimps would play and have a good time, and
them BAM!!, one chimp would take something too far and the chimps were
in a fight. They would scream at each other and try to scratch each
other. They would fight for about a minute or two and then they would
each retreat to a different monkey and started making chimp noises
while pointing at the other chimp with whom they were fighting with.
I don't know exactly how long the fights would last, but when I would
go to the park four or five days later the same two chimps would be
playing again as if nothing had happened before.
When I noticed the correlation of the fight, friend, fight, friend
relationship I couldn't help but think that most of the girls I've
known in my life have, on a few different occasions if not several
different occasions, have acted the same way. I don’t know if it was
just a coincidence or if there may actually be a pattern, but in a few
different areas, girls and chimps seem to have a some common ground.
Not that I think that girls and chimps should start hanging out or
getting to know each other better, just simply pointing out the fact.
Besides, guys really like girls and guys, in most cases think that
chimps are really cool.

Ode to sweats

Don't expect a poem or anything, but I would like to take a minute to show my appreciation for sweats and how great they really are.

You know that feeling when you get up in the morning and you just don't want to have to do anything at all but you know that society frowns on the absence of clothing? I sure do. The only thing that gets me through times like those is a nice pare of sweat pants. These are the best kind of pants because in when it's cold they comfort you, they don't restrict, or try to hold you back in any way. Sweats just let you be you.

They're not a respecter of persons whether male or female, big or small, athletic or lounger, they embrace every person willing to held by a soft, slightly cusioned peice of fabric. If you think about it the ancient Greeks probably would have worn sweats instead of nothing if the climate would have allowed it.

There may be some nay sayers saying nay to the universalness of sweats. Saying that if you want to "look sooo good" that you can't being wearing sweats. I would combat that by saying that a girl who is confident enough to be seen in sweats and still flirt with guys as though she were all spiffed out gives her bonus points. I would dare say that there may be room to expand the market for sweats and introduce a line of formal were. Meaning that you could by a pair of sweat pants that you could put a crease in. A pull over top with a collar that has buttons down the front that are for looks only and a tie that is just screen printed on. Of course in the places the tie cover there would be no buttons. To top it all off a pair of slippers that could pass for dress shoes, but be so comfortable that you wouldn't ever want to take them off.

If this new line of clothing was developed you might see more people walking or jogging to and from work. When people got home from work they wouldn't need to change immediately they could just start unwinding. Thus a little more relaxation quicker. More relaxation faster than before and people jogging or walking to work just makes for an all around better american society.

So let us not feel pressured to dress up all the time. Let us look at what could be instead of what is. Wear sweats more often than before and increase your overall quality of life. Share the phenomenon that is sweats.

Hunt for the Jade Monkey

What is a jade monkey? Does anybody really know. Is it an item of value or is it as simple as an old man making the monkey figurine out of jade. Mr. Burns has led me to believe that there is more to the jade monkey than meets they eye. Because if Mr. Burns is after a jade monkey then it almost has to possess some sort of harnessable power.

"You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon" - Mr Burns

What is so important about that monkey that it needs to be found in a months time?

What do you think? Does a jade monkey have ways of empowering a person? Or could it simply just be that a jade monkey could make ones collection complete?

I personally would like to get to the bottom of this whole jade monkey business. If the monkey is capable of helping me with school? If so I would like to know. Could he make it so that at work I can do less work and make more money? If so I would like to know. If this jade monkey is all that he could be cracked up to be it just might be worth spending some time and effort at least looking into this whole jade monkey business.

Let me know what you think. Look at this picture, it might help you form your opinions of what a jade monkey might be capable of. Sorry that the picture is so small but it's all I could find in a limited amount of time.

Batman, need I say more?

Batman is a modern icon for us boys that are still young at heart. Think about it, out of all of the superheroes Batman is the only one who is self made. Granted having what seems to be an unlimited cash flow gives him an upper edge on the normal man. Let's look at this a little.

Where does Batman get his supper powers from?

He earns them, studying martial arts, engineering, and critical thinking. It's amazing that he can come up with most of those gadgets on his own. I know he probably steals most of them from the employees of Wayne enterprises, but he probably does have to modify them so that they resemble a bat, and so that the people who work for him don't figure out that he is Batman. What a thinker Bruce Wayne is, he must read all the time he's not running a multibillion dollar company, fighting crime, or sleeping. Which brings me to my next point, has Batman figured out a way to go through life without sleep? Or does he sleep on the job?

I think the reason being Batman is so appealing to so many people is that it almost seems achievable, except for the cash flow deal. With other superheroes they were blessed* with their powers. I personally think that one day if I tried hard enough, I could become the next super hero. I could wear a costume if it ment that no one would ever by able to reveal my identity. Being one of the other super heros might definitely be appealing, just not as realistic as the man with such suppressed rage and aggression as the man who thrust himself among the ranks of those with gifts that we deem on real in an imaginitive world.

I may be way off, but in my opinion it seems most likely that a person who wanted to become a superhero could follow in Batman's footsteps instead of search the galaxy for a way to alter their DNA in such a way that they would obtain super powers.





*The writer fully acknowledges that others may have not been blessed with powers. i.e. the X-Men. Some of their powers are blessings, but others lets be honest.

Hawaii has it all

I recently spent a little time in Hawaii so I thought I might share a few things with you. I have
finally figured out why people like Hawaii so much. If you haven't figured it out by now I'll let you in on a little secret. Hawaiin have mastered the art of cooking pigs.

If Homer Simpson has taught me anything (who hasn't he taught a thing or two?) it is the fact that though shocking it may be, pigs are somewhat of a magical animal from which we get some of the worlds most suculant, mouth watering meals. I'm talking about pork chops, bacon, ham, forms of sausage, and parts of hot dogs. What can't this animal do? Infact there seems to be a rumor that if you see a flying pig your wildest and craziest dreams will come true. I think we may take the pig for granted. At least I know that I do.

Anyway, I was in Hawaii at this crazy party and they anounce that the are going to take a pig out of the ground which has been cooking for about 7 or 8 hours. To my great amazement 2 guys wearing skirts pulled this huge pig out of the ground and announced that in a few moments this pig would be processed and dinner would be served. I got caught up in the moment for a few seconds before I realized that I shed a tear at the sight of such a nobel delicious animal.

I quickly came to my senses when a few Hawaiin girls started dancing for us. On of the girls winked at me and I knew she wanted me to have a picture of her. So I got my camera in the perfect position to take a killer snap shot when from out of nowhere these dancing guys with hardly any clothes jumped out of the bushes. Naturally I became a little startled and my perfect picture was tainted. Or it became a picture that might appeal to the female readers a little more that what I had originally intended.

All in all Hawaii was great and I might share a few more Hawaiin moments later on.

Hmm... Sugar

The other day I had a close call. One of those experiences that makes you so nervous that you can’t breath, your heart stops, and your blood begins to boil. I was at a Laundromat waiting for my clothes to finish drying and I spotted a vending machine. I strolled in the direction of the vending machine, lost in wonder at what delectable treasures it might hold.

As I neared my point of destination my eyes were drawn to a magic land of tantalizing goodies. I was torn with all of the choices which from which I would have to choose only ONE! However it didn’t take long before I saw the ONE. The one that made my knee’s begin to tremble, The Granny B’s Original Pink Sugar Cookie. This treat, as I consulted my appetite was the most sugar packed treasure that almost any machine could possibly hope to offer me.

My cat-like reflexes wasted no time in getting the appropriate amount of change into the coin slot. I ever so excitedly pressed the buttons 4 and 3 to release the power packed goodness contained in the Pink sugar cookie. As the turnstile moved to release the cookie the cookie rbbed up against the side of the machine and stalled… as did my life.

There is no more upsetting moment in a true sugar driven mans existence, short of the death of an immediate family member’s life, than the possibility of have you’re paid for treat stuck in a heartless unforgiving vending machine. A string of cold and cruel vocabulary entered my mind, my leg and fist both began to cock. Right before the pleasant existence of this machine was about to be ended by my fit of sugar driven rage, the machine gave up the treat and a small tear of bliss rolled down my cheek. I gently picked up the cookie and my life was complete again.

It was only a split second that my cookie was stalled and yet the emotions and feeling it stirred with in me seemed to take up eternity.

Hender-sized

Hender-sized = the size just bigger than the biggest size offered.

Q: How do you know if you need a Hendersized portion of something?

A: Have you ever been to a resteraunt and been the only person who didn't need a doggie bag? Well that's no big deal. Now have you ever been to a restaraunt not needed a doggie bag but you also licked your plate clean and started begging others for their left over portions? If you answer yes to the second scenario then you should look for a Hender-sized alternative.

Q: Is Hender-sized for everybody?

A: No, Hender-sized is for those who have no fear and those who openly embrace the feeling of complete satisfaction that only comes from being so full that you belly button pops out.

Q: Are Hender-sized protions dangerous?

A: That's like asking if crayons are dangerous, of course they are if you can't handle the crazy power they poses.

Now the only problem is to get restaraunts to offer a Hender-sized alternatives. For the time being I have only been able to recieve Hender-sized portions when cooking for myself or by ordering the Kong Size Wopper at Burger King. In essence Hender-sized is the human version of Kong size. Hender-sized anything is to be used responsibly. Make sure that you can handle that much of whatever you need more of.

Real life nintendo?

I had the opportunity to serve a mission in Japan the video game capitol of the world, I think. Anyway while I was there I could sense that I was missing something. Something that would help me put the whole culture in perspective. I was in my last are with only two months left or something like that. I was at a members house, parents and a daughter age 25 at the time were the only ones there with us (missionaries). They were letting us teach a mock discussion so we could practice a few techniques with them and towards the end of the conversation I took the opportunity to chastise the daughter for something and when I was finished the mom said to me, Wow Elder Henderson you have really powered up a couple of levels since the last time we had you over at our house.

I was flattered of course because it was only three weeks since the last visit. I couldn't help but think, hot dang, 2 or 3 levels in a time span of a couple of weeks, that's amazing.

Then the lights went on.

I finally found the missing link to understanding the Japanese culture. I was inside a video game world. No wonder Japan make a ton of cool video games they live them. Anything cool that happens into their life they write a program for it and sell it to foriegners who take turns reliving an ordinary day in Japanese life.

I never knew that experience points were actually accumulating above my head as I walked around. I could feel the definite pyscological blow if I ever lost my coins like Sonic or if I happend to lose a level do to sickness. But upon quick reflection at times I could actually pin point the exact moment when I would go up a level. In Japan you also get a turbo boost. I never was quite able to figure out how to use it, but once in a while I could feel it getting used and it was awesome.

On the way to the church from our apartment there was a little jump in the sidewalk that my companion and I would take turns jumping. One day I was taking my turn at the jump and out of nowhere my turbo kicked in I started traveling at mock 3 with the least amount of effort. I hit the jump flew over a broken umbrella that was on the other side of the jump and in mide air I jumped up a level.

That was in my top ten greatest accomplishments of the 7th month of the two thousand and sencond year.

To not make a long story longer, if you think of you life as a video game, and you can find out what things help you power up a level and you can find out how to use your turbo, you can have some great memorable experiences.

Can people find your house?

The other day I went with a few friends to visit another friend of ours. Our friend Carly tells us that her house is only 15 minutes from the freeway. We are doing the caravan thing, following Carly and after about 15 minutes we notice that we are beginning to ascend up into this mountainous range. We are taking turn after turn, some left turns some right turns, but always climbing upward as if we were about to start driving through cloud or something crazy. I think we even passed a couple of mt. goats who were jocking for position on a steep ledge. Any way after what seems like a climb a small mountain, we come to a lovely little flat land that contained a little village or neiborhood of some sorts. Lovely place it is.

The point being had we not followed a native of that area to their own stomping grounds we never would have been able to make the trip without some sort of gps unit.

So we had a good time at this lovely little villa in the mountains and as it came time for us to return we realized that we would have to decend down the treacherous mountain side without the likes of a guide. Should we, at one point or another, choose the wrong path we would surely plummit to our death. So we ask our host how we should go about getting back safely without getting lost and she said, "Just go back the way we came." Like it was the easiest thing in the world. Then she says, "If you get lost just call for help."

I'm thinking to myself, self why didn't prepare for the trip a little better and hire out a sherpa who could help us navigate the perilous mountain in which you can only find your way if you were lived in the area since the time you were a papus.

Why in the world do people need to distance themselves from the rest of the world so much that they would go and settle a little community miles away from civilization. Maybe I'm a little unadventurous but if you need to have your friends and other visitors hire a sherpa just so they can get to and from you home I think that's were I would draw the line.

Cars, a metaphor for life?

Think about it, if your a car guy as most people know I'm not so I could be way off, you know that some people enjoy a fixer upper project and others like to buy cars that are in mint condition. When I say car guy I'm not referring to the type of person that owns a car. I'm referring to a real car person. Someone who knows what the number associated with the engine name refers to, or someone who knows why we don't have hover cars to drive around in like Back to the Future promised us when we were kids. A real car guy.

Anyway, a real car guy can see a classic model of a car and get excited as to the potential that the car has. He knows that if he just puts in the TIME and MONEY that he could have one of the best cars in the world. A completely polished sweet ride that he can brag about to his friends. Cars of this nature, depending on the car guy, usually end up with one of two fates. One is to be cherished and babied by the guy for the rest of his existence or to be bragged about by the guy for awhile and then sold to someone else. If the car meets the latter of the two fates the car guy is usually prone to begin his search again for a project of some sort, a way to be car to be that can be repaired or upgraded to a fine tuned automobile that will earn him bragging rights for a while until he can sell it and start the continual process all over again. Until one day the car decides that he is completely happy with his most recent referberation and is content to keep that car for the rest of his life.

Then there are other car guys who are interested in the already fine tuned, polished to a high shine automobile. This is also a car that entitles him to bragging rights. There are also two types of car guys in this category. The one who buys his car and keeps it for ever the one who keep the car for a time only to become unsatisfied with the vehicle when something better comes along. At which point this car guy will do anything to trade in or upgrade his car. He may even have both cars for a while and spend time with babying both of them until he finally decides that he can only afford one car or that he just doesn't care as much for the old car as much as he does for the new car. Depending upon the resources of the the car guy may depend on how long he will hold on to each car or depending upon the features of the car could save the car from being sold. Because eventually the car guy will decide on a car that he will keep longer than any other car.

I was sitting in church the other day trying unsuccessfully to pay attention to whatever was going on and a thought came to me. Old cars are a metaphor for person to person relationships. When you think about it. There are different aproaches people take to forming and maintaining co-ed relationships. If in my rambling thoughts that you just read through you turn car guy into guy/girl and turn car into girl/guy I think that you will come to the same conclusion that I came to. Now if you we could just figure out what this all means and apply it life I could sleep at night.